I'll tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless!

My parents didn't like me. For bathtub toys they gave me a blender and a transistor radio.

Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid!

My wife and I have Olympic sex. Once every four years.

You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.

I asked him "Who said you could fool around with my wife" he said everybody.

When I was a kid I got no respect. I played hide-and-seek. They wouldn't even look for me.