I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.

She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).

Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me.

I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.

I live in a tough neighborhood. They got a children's zoo. Last week, four kids escaped.

We lived in a neighborhood that was too rich for us. When I was young, I had to deliver groceries to the homes of the kids I went to school with. I had to go to the back doors to make the deliveries. It was embarrassing. That was one thing out of a hundred.

When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!"