My mom took me to a dog show and I won!!

One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!

One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her "you cooked it, you take it out".

My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.

I'm a bisexual; I get it maybe twice a year.

To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.

Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.