My mom took me to a dog show and I won!!

Getting older is tough. I remember the last time I felt an erection. It was at the movies. The only trouble is, it belonged to the guy sitting next to me.

My golf game is getting real good. Last week, I got through the windmill.

I was an ugly kid; when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.

When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or your back

One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!

We lived in a neighborhood that was too rich for us. When I was young, I had to deliver groceries to the homes of the kids I went to school with. I had to go to the back doors to make the deliveries. It was embarrassing. That was one thing out of a hundred.