My mom took me to a dog show and I won!!

I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.

I tell ya I got a stupid son. That's one load that shoulda been shot on the wall.

To me, Viagra is the same as Disneyland. You wait an hour for a two-minute ride.

I got my first break and became a singing waiter at eighteen or nineteen. I couldn't make a living at it. I quit. Then I got married and sold aluminum siding. My wife had problems physically. It was not good.

Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: 'Basement?'

He who laughs last didn't get it in the first place.