My mom took me to a dog show and I won!!

I'm tellin' ya I get no respect. When I was in Switzerland, I got an obscene yodel.

Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'

I told my doctor I got water on my knee, he gave me a sponge and raised his fee!

When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.

I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.

My wife and I keep fighting about sex and money. I think she charges me too much.