My mom took me to a dog show and I won!!

I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.

What a doctor I've got - he's really mixed up. Last week, he grabbed my knee and told me to cough. Then hit me in the balls with a hammer.

With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.

When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.

It's nice to be the best, but not when being the best brings out the worst in you.

One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her "you cooked it, you take it out".