I went to a massage parlor, it was self service.
Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!
If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
Never tell your wife she's bad in bed. She'll go out and get a second opinion.
My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.
Everyone gets their rough day. No one gets a free ride. Today so far, I had a good day. I got a dial tone.