I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother
She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.
I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.
I've never been lucky. The day my ship came in, I was at the airport.
My only thrill is self inflicted hickies.
At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.