My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.

My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!

Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.

I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back.

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.

One night I asked a cabbie to take me where the action is, he took me to my house.

I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.