Do ya remember the first time you had sex? I do, and boy, was I scared! I was alone!

I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'

I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.

I feel sorry for short people, you know. When it rains, they're the last to know.

I'm tellin' ya I get no respect. When I was in Switzerland, I got an obscene yodel.

My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.

I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head breaks.