I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.

I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.

When I was 3 years old, my parents got a dog. I was jealous of the dog, so they got rid of me.

When my old man wanted sex, my mother would show him a picture of me.

I tell ya, I don't get no respect ... Last week, my wife told me that she was going to cut me down to twice a month. But I thought about it, and I figured that it wasn't too bad. I know a couple of guys that she cut out completely.

I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.

With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.