I asked him "Who said you could fool around with my wife" he said everybody.

I tell ya, I was an ugly kid. I was so ugly that my dad kept the kid's picture that came with the wallet he bought.

I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.

You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving.

My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.

Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.

She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.