I asked him "Who said you could fool around with my wife" he said everybody.

Last week I told my wife, If you would learn to cook, I could fire the chef. She said, If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.

They took a survey: Why do men get up in the middle of the night? Ten percent get up to go to the bathroom and 90 percent get up to go home.

She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.

I don't care how rich and successful a man is. He's nothing without an education.

It's great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who's bald.

With girls, I don't think right. I had a date with one girl, she had mirrors all over her bedroom. She told me to come over and bring a bottle. I got Windex.