I asked him "Who said you could fool around with my wife" he said everybody.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.

She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.

I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.

Once I opened up a fortune cookie and inside was the guy's cheque next to me I said hey buddy I got your cheque he said thanks.

I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, "Wait til it gets warmer."

What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.