I asked him "Who said you could fool around with my wife" he said everybody.

My only thrill is self inflicted hickies.

When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.

I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.

I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back.

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.

With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.