To me, Viagra is the same as Disneyland. You wait an hour for a two-minute ride.

I asked him "Who said you could fool around with my wife" he said everybody.

Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Hey baby, you must've been something before electricity.

My sex life is terrible; my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.

With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.

I tell ya I got a stupid son. That's one load that shoulda been shot on the wall.

My son's an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher.