My sex life is terrible; my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.

My wife had her drivers’ test the other day. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear.

I'm not a hypochondriac, but my gynaecologist firmly believes I am.

When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!"

I bought a new Japanese car, I turned on the radio ... I don't understand a word they're saying.

When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.

Do ya remember the first time you had sex? I do, and boy, was I scared! I was alone!