It's great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who's bald.
Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.
Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
Hey, did somebody step on a duck?
I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor; they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'
Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for it.