Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for it.
It's tough to stay married. My wife says no because she's tired then stays up and reads her book.
Comedy is a camouflage for depression.
My mom took me to a dog show and I won!!
I knew a girl so ugly, she had a face like a saint-a Saint Bernard!
My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.