She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).

Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for it.

My daughters been picked up so many times she's starting to grow handles

We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.

Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me.

When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.

I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head breaks.