I bought a new Japanese car, I turned on the radio ... I don't understand a word they're saying.

I once went out with this girl, she was no bargain either, she showed up with pigtails under her arms.

She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.

I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.

I bought a new Japanese car, I turned on the radio ... I don't understand a word they're saying.

When my wife drives, there's always trouble. The other day she took the car. She came home. She told me, There's water in the carburetor. I asked her, Where's the car? She said, In a lake.

I told my doctor, "I've swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills" and he told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.