I bought a new Japanese car, I turned on the radio ... I don't understand a word they're saying.

My son's an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher.

Once when I was lost I asked a policeman to help me find my parents. I said to him, 'Do you think we'll ever find them?' He answered, 'I don't know, kid. There are so many places they can hide.

My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!

When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.

My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.

I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.