I bought a new Japanese car, I turned on the radio ... I don't understand a word they're saying.

I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.

Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.

When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.

We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.

I bought a perfect second car... a tow truck.

I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.