I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.

When I was born I brought no joy, my father said he wanted a boy!

Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for it.

Getting older is tough. I remember the last time I felt an erection. It was at the movies. The only trouble is, it belonged to the guy sitting next to me.

My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!

When I was a kid we were so poor, if I hadn't been a boy I wouldn't have had anything to play with.

My wife's so dumb, she got a nail in the spare!!