I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.

You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.

Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: 'Basement?'

I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't.

I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.

I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.

I'm a bisexual; I get it maybe twice a year.