I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.

They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?

When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or your back

A sense of humor is rare. It isn't telling a joke about how there are three ways to get to heaven. It's being in a restaurant and hearing someone say, Everyone's got their tale of woe, and then turning around and saying, Unfortunately, in life, there's more woe than tail.

When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.

My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.