One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her "you cooked it, you take it out".
Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.
When I was 3 years old, my parents got a dog. I was jealous of the dog, so they got rid of me.
I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.