When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.
Rodney DangerfieldI came from a real tough neighborhood. On my street, the kids take hubcaps - from moving cars.
Rodney DangerfieldGuy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, "Where'd you get the pig?" Guy says, "This is a duck." Bartender says, "I was talking to the duck."
Rodney DangerfieldA sense of humor is rare. It isn't telling a joke about how there are three ways to get to heaven. It's being in a restaurant and hearing someone say, Everyone's got their tale of woe, and then turning around and saying, Unfortunately, in life, there's more woe than tail.
Rodney Dangerfield