People seldom live up to their baby pictures.

One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!

One night I asked a cabbie to take me where the action is, he took me to my house.

I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.

Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.

When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!"

I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother