My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.

I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.

I told my kids, "Someday, you'll have kids of your own." One of them said, "So will you."

Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid!

I've been writing jokes since I'm fifteen. Not out of happiness, but to go to a different place, because reality wasn't good to me.

My son's an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher.

I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.