My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.

I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.

I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.

In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity and he threw the teacher out of the window.

I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.

When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or your back

When I was a kid I got no respect. My mother breast fed me through a straw.