My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.

They change the sheets every day... from one bed to another.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.

My son's an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher.

For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.

I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!