I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.

The sign on the bar said: 'girls- topless, bottomless', I went inside and there was nobody there!

All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.

I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back.

You know you're old when your family talk about you in front of you. What are we going to do with Pop? We have company tonight.

I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.

I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.