When I was a kid I got no respect. My mother breast fed me through a straw.

My wife gives good headache.

My wife and I keep fighting about sex and money. I think she charges me too much.

When my wife drives, there's always trouble. The other day she took the car. She came home. She told me, There's water in the carburetor. I asked her, Where's the car? She said, In a lake.

If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.

I asked him "Who said you could fool around with my wife" he said everybody.

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.