When I was a kid I got no respect. My mother breast fed me through a straw.

I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.

They change the sheets every day... from one bed to another.

My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.

You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving.

When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.

I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.