When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or your back

I bought a new Japanese car, I turned on the radio ... I don't understand a word they're saying.

I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.

I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.

My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope!

I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.

My parents didn't like me. For bathtub toys they gave me a blender and a transistor radio.