If I could have dinner with anyone who lived in history, it would depend on the restaurant.
It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.
I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.
I was an ugly kid; when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.
For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.
You can name your own salary in this business. I call mine Fred.