A hooker once told me she had a headache.
Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!
With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.
I'll tell ya, I don't get no respect... The other day, I got back from a business trip. I got in a cab and said to the driver, "Hey! Take me to where the action is!" So ya know where he took me? He took me to my house!
I've learned to control everything. I don't get angry at anything. Somebody can do me wrong. That's life. What good is it to get angry?