When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or your back

Getting older is tough. I remember the last time I felt an erection. It was at the movies. The only trouble is, it belonged to the guy sitting next to me.

I'm at an age where I think more about food than I do about sex. Last week I put a mirror over my dining room table.

Everyone says that looks don't matter, age doesn't matter, money doesn't matter. But i never met a girl yet who has fallen in love with an old ugly man who's broke.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. On my street, the kids take hubcaps - from moving cars.

My golf game is getting real good. Last week, I got through the windmill.

You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, The car behind me is paying for two.