I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.

If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.

Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, "Where'd you get the pig?" Guy says, "This is a duck." Bartender says, "I was talking to the duck."

I went to look for a used car and found my wife's dress in the back seat.

When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.

I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!

She was old too, when she went to school they didn't have history.