I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.

Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.

Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'

I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.

You can name your own salary in this business. I call mine Fred.

Everyone says that looks don't matter, age doesn't matter, money doesn't matter. But i never met a girl yet who has fallen in love with an old ugly man who's broke.

When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.