I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.

I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.

When I was born I brought no joy, my father said he wanted a boy!

My son's an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher.

Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.

My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.