I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.

It's tough to stay married. My wife says no because she's tired then stays up and reads her book.

My son's an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher.

Never tell your wife she's bad in bed. She'll go out and get a second opinion.

My mother used to rock me - and she used big rocks.

I went to a massage parlor, it was self service.

Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.