I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.

Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.

I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!

I was a poster child... for birth control!

I went to see my doctor... Doctor Vidi-boom-ba. Yeah...I told him once, "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said, "I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect."

With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.

Once when I was lost I asked a policeman to help me find my parents. I said to him, 'Do you think we'll ever find them?' He answered, 'I don't know, kid. There are so many places they can hide.