I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.

I asked my wife if she enjoys a cigarette after sex and she said "No, one drag is enough".

My daughters been picked up so many times she's starting to grow handles

I told my doctor, "I've swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills" and he told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

Do ya remember the first time you had sex? I do, and boy, was I scared! I was alone!

Comedy is in my blood. Too bad it's not in my act.

People say fish is good for a diet. But fish should never be cooked in butter. Fish should be cooked in its natural oils - Texaco, Mobil, Exxon .