When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.

I bought a new Japanese car, I turned on the radio ... I don't understand a word they're saying.

A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!

I bought a perfect second car... a tow truck.

I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.

I have three kids, one of each.

My dog learned how to beg by watching me through the bedroom door.