My parents didn't like me. For bathtub toys they gave me a blender and a transistor radio.

I live in a tough neighborhood. They got a children's zoo. Last week, four kids escaped.

She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.

I'm a bisexual; I get it maybe twice a year.

...went to a bar for a few drinks. The bartender asked what I wanted. "Surprise me", I said. So he showed me a naked picture of my wife.

One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.

I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.