With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride.

I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.

For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

Last week I was walking by a cemetery, two guys came after me with shovels. It was all about money.

I like southern girls. They talk so slow that by the time they say no, I made it already.

When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.