The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.
If you can't write your own material, you have very little chance of making it as a comedian.
With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.
I knew a girl so ugly, she had a face like a saint-a Saint Bernard!
I tell ya, I don't get no respect ... Last week, my wife told me that she was going to cut me down to twice a month. But I thought about it, and I figured that it wasn't too bad. I know a couple of guys that she cut out completely.