I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, "Why are you jogging in your underwear?" He says, "You came home from work early".

At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.

I once went out with this wild girl. She made French toast and got her tongue caught in the toaster.

My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.

I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others. He gave my one with four cavities.

She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).

Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.