I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, "Why are you jogging in your underwear?" He says, "You came home from work early".

I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.

Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.

If every man was as true to his country as he was to his wife, we'd be in a lot of trouble.

Women my age just don't turn me on. That's another problem with getting older. I took out an older woman the other night, and I mean old. I told her, Act your age. She died.

You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving.

The sign on the bar said: 'girls- topless, bottomless', I went inside and there was nobody there!