I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, "Why are you jogging in your underwear?" He says, "You came home from work early".

At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette.

I'm tellin' ya I get no respect. When I was in Switzerland, I got an obscene yodel.

Boy what a hotel that was, why they stole my towel.

At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.

My golf game is getting real good. Last week, I got through the windmill.

She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.