I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, "Why are you jogging in your underwear?" He says, "You came home from work early".

In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity and he threw the teacher out of the window.

I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, You come back, you hear? And southern people, they think you are horny too. You get directions, they say, Just up the road apiece.

I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.

My son's an idiot. His teacher asked him to spell Mississippi. He asked which one? The river or the state?

I was a poster child... for birth control!

When my old man wanted sex, my mother would show him a picture of me.