For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.

I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back.

Man, who don't like spaghetti?

My dog learned how to beg by watching me through the bedroom door.

I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.

My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope!

I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.' I brought Windex.