For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.

I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.

I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother

A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!

I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others. He gave my one with four cavities.

Women my age just don't turn me on. That's another problem with getting older. I took out an older woman the other night, and I mean old. I told her, Act your age. She died.

I went to look for a used car and found my wife's dress in the back seat.