For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.

It's tough to stay married. My wife says no because she's tired then stays up and reads her book.

During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me… Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.

With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.

You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.