You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, The car behind me is paying for two.

At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !

My wife isn't very bright. The other day she was at the store, and just as she was heading for our car, someone stole it! I said, "Did you see the guy that did it?" She said, "No, but I got the license plate."

I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.

A travel agent told I could spend 7 nights in HAWAII no days just nights.

Do ya remember the first time you had sex? I do, and boy, was I scared! I was alone!

You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.