When I was born ... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father ... I'm very sorry. We did everything we could ... but he pulled through.

I have three kids, one of each.

I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said, "No, I hate myself now."

Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.

I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.

One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her "you cooked it, you take it out".

You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving.