My wife isn't very bright. The other day she was at the store, and just as she was heading for our car, someone stole it! I said, "Did you see the guy that did it?" She said, "No, but I got the license plate."

Last week I was walking by a cemetery, two guys came after me with shovels. It was all about money.

With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.

I went to look for a used car and found my wife's dress in the back seat.

I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.

I don't get no respect, no respect at all!