It's tough to stay married. My wife says no because she's tired then stays up and reads her book.
Rodney DangerfieldMy son's an idiot. His teacher asked him to spell Mississippi. He asked which one? The river or the state?
Rodney DangerfieldWhen I was 3 years old, my parents got a dog. I was jealous of the dog, so they got rid of me.
Rodney DangerfieldWhen I was a kid we were so poor, if I hadn't been a boy I wouldn't have had anything to play with.
Rodney DangerfieldMy boy is a mean kid. I came home the other day and saw him taping worms to the sidewalk, he sits there and watches the birds get hernias. Well, only last Christmas I gave him a B-B gun and he gave me a sweatshirt with a bulls-eye on the back. I told my kids, "Someday, you'll have kids of your own." One of them said, "So will you."
Rodney Dangerfield