She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.

I'm tellin' ya I get no respect. When I was in Switzerland, I got an obscene yodel.

I drink too much, way too much; my doctor drew blood he ran a tab!

His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.

When I was forty, I was getting divorced, living in a low-class, dirty hotel in New York. My mother was dying of cancer. I owed $20,000. That was about the lowest. I came back to show business, and I couldn't get a job. I was turned down by every small-time agent in New York.

Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it.

My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.