She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.

I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, "Wait til it gets warmer."

It's nice to be the best, but not when being the best brings out the worst in you.

I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!

Never tell your wife she's bad in bed. She'll go out and get a second opinion.

I tell ya I got a stupid son. That's one load that shoulda been shot on the wall.

I tell ya, I don't get no respect ... Last week, my wife told me that she was going to cut me down to twice a month. But I thought about it, and I figured that it wasn't too bad. I know a couple of guys that she cut out completely.