She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.

To me, Viagra is the same as Disneyland. You wait an hour for a two-minute ride.

One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.

People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.

My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.

When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.