She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.

When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.

I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.

To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.

You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.

When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.

When my parents got divorced, there was a custody fight over me. ... and no one showed up.