I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.

I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.

At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !

With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride.

I had a date with an inflatable girl. Now I got an inflatable guy looking for me.

I went to a massage parlor, it was self service.

When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.