Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.

When I was a kid we were so poor, if I hadn't been a boy I wouldn't have had anything to play with.

I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.

School is a place were you go to eat your lunch

Once when I was lost I asked a policeman to help me find my parents. I said to him, 'Do you think we'll ever find them?' He answered, 'I don't know, kid. There are so many places they can hide.

When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.

My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark