Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.

In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity and he threw the teacher out of the window.

I once asked a policeman how far it was to the subway. he said, "I don't know, no one has ever made it".

Life's a short trip. You'll find out.

My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.

Everyone says that looks don't matter, age doesn't matter, money doesn't matter. But i never met a girl yet who has fallen in love with an old ugly man who's broke.

She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.