My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.

I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.

I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.

Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.

I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.

When I was a kid I got no respect. I played hide-and-seek. They wouldn't even look for me.

I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.