My wife had her drivers’ test the other day. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear.

I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me. Last week I went to the track and they shot my horse with the opening gun.

My daughters been picked up so many times she's starting to grow handles

People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind.

Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Hey baby, you must've been something before electricity.

I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.

My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.