You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.
If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.
Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.
I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.