My wife had her drivers’ test the other day. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear.

I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved.

My daughters been picked up so many times she's starting to grow handles

We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.

When I was born ... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father ... I'm very sorry. We did everything we could ... but he pulled through.

I think my wife is cheating on me, the only thing the parrot knows how to say is, quick out the window.

My son's an idiot. His teacher asked him to spell Mississippi. He asked which one? The river or the state?