I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me. Last week I went to the track and they shot my horse with the opening gun.

Steak and sex, my favorite pair. I get them both very rare.

I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.

One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her "you cooked it, you take it out".

With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride.

When I was forty, I was getting divorced, living in a low-class, dirty hotel in New York. My mother was dying of cancer. I owed $20,000. That was about the lowest. I came back to show business, and I couldn't get a job. I was turned down by every small-time agent in New York.

The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.