My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.
My dog learned how to beg by watching me through the bedroom door.
I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, "Why are you jogging in your underwear?" He says, "You came home from work early".
She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.
I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.
When my parents got divorced, there was a custody fight over me. ... and no one showed up.