My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.

When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.

I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.

With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride.

They change the sheets every day... from one bed to another.

For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back.

My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.