I was an ugly kid; when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.
I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with.
I'm not a hypochondriac, but my gynaecologist firmly believes I am.
My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
You know you're old when your family talk about you in front of you. What are we going to do with Pop? We have company tonight.
...went to a bar for a few drinks. The bartender asked what I wanted. "Surprise me", I said. So he showed me a naked picture of my wife.