I'm a bisexual; I get it maybe twice a year.

I'm at an age where I think more about food than I do about sex. Last week I put a mirror over my dining room table.

I think my wife is cheating on me, the only thing the parrot knows how to say is, quick out the window.

It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.

I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.

If you can't write your own material, you have very little chance of making it as a comedian.

If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.