I'm a bisexual; I get it maybe twice a year.

I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back.

You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, The car behind me is paying for two.

You know you're old when your family talk about you in front of you. What are we going to do with Pop? We have company tonight.

He who laughs last didn't get it in the first place.

I can't figure women out. They put on makeup for three hours. They wear things that make them smaller. Things that make them bigger. Then they meet a man and they want truth.

My mom took me to a dog show and I won!!