I'm a bisexual; I get it maybe twice a year.

In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity and he threw the teacher out of the window.

my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens

I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.

Once I opened up a fortune cookie and inside was the guy's cheque next to me I said hey buddy I got your cheque he said thanks.

It would be great if people never got angry at someone for doing something they've done themselves.

And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!