He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.

I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.

Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.

With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.

When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.

I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor; they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'

It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed in the dark.