He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.

I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.

When I was born ... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father ... I'm very sorry. We did everything we could ... but he pulled through.

I once asked a policeman how far it was to the subway. he said, "I don't know, no one has ever made it".

Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.

I'm tellin' ya I get no respect. When I was in Switzerland, I got an obscene yodel.

What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.