He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.

I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved.

One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her "you cooked it, you take it out".

I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'

Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.

With girls, I don't think right. I had a date with one girl, she had mirrors all over her bedroom. She told me to come over and bring a bottle. I got Windex.

They change the sheets every day... from one bed to another.