My wife gives good headache.

I told my doctor I got water on my knee, he gave me a sponge and raised his fee!

One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.

I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me. Last week I went to the track and they shot my horse with the opening gun.

I asked him "Who said you could fool around with my wife" he said everybody.

I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.

I went to a massage parlor, it was self service.