Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
My family was a bunch of drunks. When I was six I came up missing, they put my picture on a bottle of scotch.
Comedy is in my blood. Too bad it's not in my act.
My wife and I have Olympic sex. Once every four years.
Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me.
I don't get no respect