Last Halloween a kid tried to rip my face off. He thought it was a mask. Now it's different when I open the door the kids hand me candy.

What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!

I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.

I'm at an age where I think more about food than I do about sex. Last week I put a mirror over my dining room table.

Time and tide and hookers wait for no man.

I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!

I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.