I came from a real tough neighborhood. On my street, the kids take hubcaps - from moving cars.

One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her "you cooked it, you take it out".

I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!

I tell ya, my wife, we get along good cause we have our own arrangement. I mean, one night a week I go out with the boys and one night a week, she goes out with the boys.

I once asked a policeman how far it was to the subway. he said, "I don't know, no one has ever made it".

I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.

A travel agent told I could spend 7 nights in HAWAII no days just nights.