When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!"

We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.

I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.

I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, If I don't make it, I'll never know it.

I asked him "Who said you could fool around with my wife" he said everybody.

At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette.

My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.