My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!

There's only one thing wrong with my wife's face - it shows.

They took a survey: Why do men get up in the middle of the night? Ten percent get up to go to the bathroom and 90 percent get up to go home.

I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.

My mom took me to a dog show and I won!!

I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.

My wife and I have Olympic sex. Once every four years.