Once I opened up a fortune cookie and inside was the guy's cheque next to me I said hey buddy I got your cheque he said thanks.

I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'

Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me.

I'm not a hypochondriac, but my gynaecologist firmly believes I am.

I told my doctor I got water on my knee, he gave me a sponge and raised his fee!

I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back.

I don't care how rich and successful a man is. He's nothing without an education.