What a doctor I've got - he's really mixed up. Last week, he grabbed my knee and told me to cough. Then hit me in the balls with a hammer.

my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens

I'm not a hypochondriac, but my gynaecologist firmly believes I am.

Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.

Life is full of temporary situations, ultimately ending in a permanent solution.

Steak and sex, my favorite pair. I get them both very rare.

It's nice to be the best, but not when being the best brings out the worst in you.