With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.

My wife had her drivers’ test the other day. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear.

She was old too, when she went to school they didn't have history.

I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't.

It's tough to stay married. My wife says no because she's tired then stays up and reads her book.

I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.

Comedy is a camouflage for depression.