Comedy is a camouflage for depression.

I'm tellin' ya I get no respect. When I was in Switzerland, I got an obscene yodel.

My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark

When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.

We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.

I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.

He who laughs last didn't get it in the first place.