Comedy is a camouflage for depression.

When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.

My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.

For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back.

I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.

We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.

One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.