You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.

My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.

My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark

His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.

I've learned to control everything. I don't get angry at anything. Somebody can do me wrong. That's life. What good is it to get angry?

With girls, I don't think right. I had a date with one girl, she had mirrors all over her bedroom. She told me to come over and bring a bottle. I got Windex.

And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!