They took a survey: Why do men get up in the middle of the night? Ten percent get up to go to the bathroom and 90 percent get up to go home.

I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn't see the mouse trap.

Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.

To me, Viagra is the same as Disneyland. You wait an hour for a two-minute ride.

My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.

When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.

My parents didn't like me. For bathtub toys they gave me a blender and a transistor radio.